


Had I Known (Doesn't Matter Now)

by Aston (AstonT)



Series: Assassination Classroom stories [20]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Non-Canonical Character Death, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 11:43:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10464138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstonT/pseuds/Aston
Summary: "I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life." - How To Save A Life, The FrayNobody expected this. But some things can't be expected, can they?They just wished someone had said something before.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry, guys. 
> 
> I don't know why I decided this was a good idea, but I hope you like it anyway.

The entire class was numb.

Karma had come in late - that in itself wasn't a strange occurance, if they were honest. But he'd been staring at his phone, tears falling freely.

They'd never seen him cry before.

"Karma, what's going on?" Isogai asked worriedly, looking at the redhead.

Karma looked up at him as he passed on his way to his desk before he shook his head. "It's...uh..."

Chiba stopped him before he could reach his desk, though, having spotted blood on the boy's white shirt. "Are you hurt?"

"What? No," Karma said, surprised.

Chiba frowned at the boy. "You have blood on your shirt," he pointed out.

Karma looked down to see the spots of blood drying into the white uniform shirt before his shoulders fell. "It's not...it isn't mine."

Class was a waste now, and Korosensei seemed to know this, because he settled to let them talk.

"Did you get into a fight?"

"Does it look like I've been in a fight?" Karma snapped, turning to look at Terasaka with a look in his eyes that nobody had seen before.

Ritsu was the next to speak, but she at least waited until Karma was in his seat, head on his desk.

"What happened?"

Such a simple question.

Karma raised his head off the desk to look at the AI unit in the room before he turned his focus to the only empty desk in the room - Nagisa's.

Kayano noticed and frowned. "Is Nagisa okay, then?" she questioned. "Is that it, you're worried?"

Karma forced himself to meet her eyes before he shrugged. "They said he'd be fine but..."

"Who, exactly, is they?" Korosensei asked curiously.

Karma raised his eyes to look at their teacher before he tilted his chin up and spoke. "The doctors at the hospital, sir. Nagisa....just...he's not..."

Everyone understood though, and let the boy fall silent and be alone.

* * *

  
Visiting Nagisa in the hospital was hard on all of them.

They saw his mom there, and she didn't look worried but then...Karma had told them she never did when it came to Nagisa.

Karma didn't move from beside Nagisa's bed the entire time, even with everyone else ducking in to see the bluenette.

None of them pointed out the tears, or the fact that Karma was clutching Nagisa's hand until his own knuckles were white.

When blue eyes opened, Karma started talking, ignoring the others sitting around the room.

"You _idiot_. Why didn't you come to me?" he asked, voice shaking and quiet, but enough to carry over the hush in the room. "What happened to you weren't leaving? You were happy."

Nagisa let Karma ramble on for a long while before he gave a small smile and let his eyes slip closed again.

Isogai saw the bandaging on the boy's neck and arms when he looked over then, now that Nagisa had shifted just enough so that it wasn't all hidden away.

Suicide attempt.

When his heart stopped, Karma felt it. Tears blurred his vision again before falling and he gave a hiccup before he started talking again, voice no more than a whisper.

"You said you were okay....I should've stayed...."

It hurt, if they were honest, to hear the sobs that were ripping themselves out of Karma with such force.

They'd never seen him cry before that day. And now they were seeing him come undone without a care in the world.

Karma pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his left arm around them as he let his head fall, and kept his right hand clutching Nagisa's.

Isogai shared a look with the others before he stepped out to let their teachers and Nagisa's mother know.

When he came back, Kayano had moved to hug Karma, letting the usually cocky boy cry without a word.

When the tears stopped - ten minutes after the sobs stopped tearing themself out of his throat, he raised his head again to look at the boy on the bed.

He'd died with a smile on his face, and deep cuts on him. He was happy in his final moments, but not before then.

"I would've done anything if it meant you were still here right now." Karma said quietly, his voice wrecked. "Even if it meant losing my own life."

* * *

  
Everyone else waited to mourn until the ceremony.

Karma never showed for it, and they found him at home, fingers dancing over a blade.

Isogai grabbed his wrist while Maehara got the knife away from him.

Karma looked up in surprise as Isogai started talking. "He's not gone, Karma. He's still with you. And he wouldn't want you to do this,"

"I don't care anymore," Karma said, voice void of any emotion.

"But you do. Because you'd still do anything for him. Just like the rest of us. And right now, he needs us to live for him. We'll see him again someday, but today isn't it."

Karma gave a weak smile in response and nodded.

* * *

  
He visited the grave site later that evening, alone, and sat and talked for a couple hours.

When it was all said and done and they had to kill Korosensei in March, Karma didn't shed a tear with everyone else.

He just gave a sad smile and let his nails bite into his palm as he said goodbye.

* * *

Karma kept the last message Nagisa had ever sent him on his phone for the rest of his life. 

The day he died, surrounded by friends from 3-E, due to an attempt on his life, they found it pulled up.

' _Don't worry about me, okay? I'll be fine. I still love you no matter what, okay? That's a promise. Forever.'_


End file.
